When we lose somebody, who is dear to us, regardless of whether they were a relation, or a friend, or indeed a colleague, grief can be something that we all deal with differently.
The Stages of Grief
There are various stages that we go through, initially for most it is shock, while for others it is expected, and indeed for some people, it is a comfort. Grief can cause us to feel completely numb, as we try to process what has happened, and to try to maintain some form of normality whilst we process what has happened isn’t easy. To a degree, for some it might be beneficial to just carry on with their lives in order to make sense of things, and yet for others, we find ourselves completely floored by the loss, and therefore we end up not being able to do anything, sometimes finding it difficult to even have the energy to get up in the morning.
There is no right or wrong way in how anybody deals with grief, we just need to know, that it is important that we acknowledge how we are feeling, and that alone is not always an easy thing to do.
Support from Friends and Family
Sometimes for some people, it is easy to talk about their loved ones that they have just lost; remembering good times, bad times, specific incidences, and to a degree maybe things they would rather forget. But by talking to those around us it brings comfort, whether it’s family members or friends, or even a stranger.
When we look at grief from the outside, it is difficult to know what to say to the person who is going through this pain and very strong emotion.So, it is perfectly acceptable to just listen, or even just to hold that person, as actions do speak louder than words.
Even though the loss of a loved one may have been either expected or a comfort, as it means they are no longer suffering, it still does not take away that pain that is so deeply ingrained in us. Time as we know is a great healer, what it allows us to do is to create a new reality, which is now without our loved one. This does not mean, that we need to do this in any particular timescale, the only thing we need to remember is, that one day we will smile, the sun will come out, and we will sleep.This does not take away in any shape or form the emptiness that is there, we learn to create that new reality, and we learn to put one foot in front of the other, as we move forward within our own lives. Grief is very personal, and we must trust both in ourselves and sometimes others, that we will come through it.
For some people,having Bereavement Counselling can help. This is where professionals are able to guide you through your grief, or at the very least, just listen to what your heart is feeling, how your mind is processing grief, helping in both the initial stages, and then as we build our new lives.Bereavement Counselling is not something to feel embarrassed about, and it should not be awkward or shameful. For some people, you may feel that you should be dealing with your loss either by yourself or strictly with loved ones around you, but this could not be further from the truth. Often it is actually easier to talk to somebody who is not directly involved in the loss.
Whichever route you choose to take, it is so important that we do not just hide our feelings, talking helps, as does crying, or silence. Remember you are never alone in grief, if you reach out and talk about your feelings, or even just accept that hug.